Chapter 10

“Hey Bro!” Was all I heard as Richie, with his hand at my back, pushed me up the steps. My heart was thundering in my ears, palms were sweaty, the whole shebang.

“Hey Dean! Hiya Syd!” Jon stood about 5’9 with sandy brown hair, sparking, intense blue eyes, and a kind smile on his face. “The kids are all gone to friends houses, so it’s just us and Dot.” Jon continued, holding the door open so we could walk through. It was very French chateau-ish, but looked comfortable. “So how are you doin, Syd? Glad you finally came to mi casa!”

I grinned at his attempt at an accent, it wasn’t all that great but hey, he tried. Must be something he and Richie did often.

“I’m okay, Jon, and you? Nice house!” I said, smiling slightly. I wasn’t exactly sure what I should say. I've been talking to Jon on the phone, but in person, well, lets just say I’m pretty unsure of myself.

“Thanks, we call it home. Come on in to the living room so you can meet Dot.”

We all headed out through an archway into a cream coloured formal living room. A woman was sitting in one of the armchairs reading a magazine. She heard us walk in and looked up, as a wide grin spread across her face. She had a beautiful, kind face, long dark hair and pretty brown eyes. She held her hand out, exclaiming, “You finally brought her, Richie! Gee, we thought you’d never get here!” I looked up at Richie, grinning slightly, as he looked back at her.

“Ah, Dot. Looking as stunning as usual. Have you lost weight?” he asked with a cheeky grin.

“Oh, shut up. Lord knows you’ll never change, but we can always hope! And you must be Sydney. I give you credit for living with this one,” she said, grinning. I knew there was no malice to her words, simply sarcasm bantered between family.

“I am. And I need all the sympathy I can get, it isn’t easy living with this one!” I replied, jerking my thumb behind me in Richie’s direction. I grinned up at him again, attempting to look innocent, but apparently failing miserably. Jon and Dot roared with laughter. Richie looked offended and somewhat proud. “She’s got you there, Rich! I agree, you aren’t the easiest to live with! I’ve done it off and on for some 27 years!” Jon grinned that easy grin, and Dot snorted into the mug she was holding.

“Would you like some hot chocolate, Hun?” Dot asked me, holding up her mug as if to say she needed a refill. I nodded. “Hot chocolate sounds great, thanks!”

“Well lets go in the kitchen and see what trouble we can get into there” she replied, grinning. We headed in to a large open concept kitchen. Where Richie’s was more classic, colourful and dare I say country, Jon’s was more modern, with Stainless steel and whites. It was gorgeous, don’t get me wrong, but where Richie’s was warm, Jon’s was cool and contemporary. It fitted his personality perfectly, but I highly doubt he spent and real time in here. Dot bustled around, grabbing another mug and heating up the water. “The powder stuff is in the cupboard above the sink, Hun, if you could grab it for me. Spoons are in the drawer beside the oven,” I went as directed, noticing how open she as about her house. It was obviously a household where if you wanted something you helped to get it, don’t expect to be waited on. As we waited for the water to boil, we talked about how I was doing at Richie’s house, how school was going, etc. I was doing my schoolwork online, which was working out perfectly. I didn’t have to deal with snarky kids or annoying teachers. I could do the work at my own pace and get stuff done as I felt the need to.

I really enjoyed talking to Dot, she reminded me a lot of my mom, and I felt a pang of sadness go through my heart. I wasn’t ready to start comparing people to my parents, but I could very easily see that Dot and I were going to become close. She was definitely an independent woman, and I admired that. It couldn’t be easy with your husband travelling all across the world, with you at home raising four kids. We walked back into the living room with our warm hot chocolate in our hands. She put marshmallow fluff on top with some cinnamon. I’d never done that before but I had to admit it was really good. Jon and Richie were sitting across from each other on separate sofas discussing something or other with a pad of paper and a pen on the table in between them. Dot headed over to Jon and I went to Richie who looked to be pouting.

“What, you didn’t bring any for me?” He asked, with giant, sad looking eyes. I took a sip, enjoying the sweet flavour for a minute and then looked back up at him and replied “You know where the kitchen is!” He grinned and said, “Yeah, I think I remember where its located.” He had a look of mock confusion on his face, scratching his stubble covered chin thoughtfully. I just shook my head and looked at Jon and Dot, who were looking back at us with Cheshire grins on their faces. “What?” Richie and I both exclaimed at the same time, then looked at each other, and burst into laughter. “Apparently, you two have been spending too much time together!” Jon said, through his own laughter. I just grinned and took another sip.

Richie looked up and said “Man, you guys should have seen Syd at the store today! Some random guy came up and asked for her number and she told him that he’d be calling 911 if he didn’t back off! I was so proud!” Jon looked shocked and said, “Where’s the shy Sydney who didn’t feel the need to speak to anyone?”

I looked up and thought about it for a moment and replied, “Well, she’s still here. But he caught me off guard and I hate that, so I came back with what came to the brain first.” What I hadn’t said was it brought back memories of the rape, and the only way I could figure out how to stay away from that was the sarcastic comebacks. Richie squeezed my arm gently. He got it. Jon and Dot didn’t know about that apparently, and at the moment, I was grateful. We sat and chatted for a couple hours. There were times where Jon and Richie would say something, look at each other and one would write it down. I looked over at Dot who looked at me, shrugged her shoulders as if to say “It happens all the time.” I just shook my head. I don’t think I would understand it anyway. By the time we were getting ready to go home, they had filled a couple pages of random scribbles. I’m assuming they used it for songs. Would  make sense in my head.

“Well Syd, you definitely need to come back soon, meet the kids. You and Steph will probably get along well. She’s about your age. Romeo will love you, he’s the youngest. Jesse and Jake will probably be pretty indifferent. Promise to come back soon?” Jon asked, as we were walking out to the truck. “Yeah for sure, I’d love to. Plus, I have someone to help me gang up on Richie!” I said, grinning at Dot. Throughout the afternoon we had came up with some pretty good comebacks. Apparently she was fluid in sarcasm as well.

“You’re always welcome, Hun. Maybe you can come over and we’ll bake cookies or something.”

“Sounds good, Dot, and thanks again!”

We waved our goodbyes with plans to get together within the week. Richie and I climbed back into the truck and I heaved a sigh of relief that I had gotten through it and not freaked out, cried or screamed. Richie looked over at me and said “I’m proud of you. You did great in there. Definitely made me proud. I knew you could do it! You and Dot seemed to get along really well, too, which is good, ‘cause I can’t be a good female role model, as good as I am.” I nodded and grinned. “I can totally see us being close. They are very close as it is to becoming ‘Uncle Jon’ and ‘Aunt Dot’.” Richie smiled, and whispered, “Good.” He grabbed my hand and rubbed small circles into my palm to sooth me. It worked every time.

I eventually fell asleep and didn’t wake up again until I felt him carrying me to the house. He took me to my room and I went to the bathroom to change into my pyjamas. I came back out to find Richie sitting on my bed, waiting for me. I walked out and snuggled up next to him, under the covers with him laying on top of them. It had become a ritual. We would lay and talk until I fell asleep, then he’d go to bed. He wanted to make sure I fell asleep alright without any problems.

_________________________________________________________

Tires screaming. Glass shattering. Three voices screaming. Bright lights. Then the man who took away my innocence was standing there in front of me with a gun. Standing next to Richie, who was looking at me with pain and sorrow in his eyes. I screamed.

My eyes shot open, breathing uneven, sweat pouring out of me with the gunshot still ringing in my ears. I jumped out of bed and padded over to Richie’s room, only to find he wasn’t there. Panic shot through me. I ran down to the kitchen hoping he’d be there and sighed with relief that he was. He had his back to me at the bar, drinking a glass of water looking over some papers. He jumped as I turned up beside him, but one look at the tears rolling down my face had him pulling me into his arms. I couldn’t help it, the sobs racked through me. He rubbed his hands up and down my back, humming slightly and rocking me as you would a small child. I eventually calmed down enough to tell him what the dream was about. He tightened his arms and whispered “I’ll never leave you, Syd. Never. And you know he can’t get to you ever again. It’s okay, it was just a dream. Nothings going to happen to us. Promise me you’ll never leave me too?” I nodded through my tears and whispered “I promise.” We stood like that for a good ten minutes until I got myself calmed down enough to go back to bed. Richie brought me up to his room and we crawled in bed. I felt so much safer in his arms. Nothing could get to me, and Lord knows I needed that safety.

Chapter 9

After Jay gave me the card, he announced that he had to leave. I looked at the clock and realized that it was only 3:30. Why did he have to leave so early? “To check in, and get ready for the flight. I need to call the office in California to co-ordinate some things so I figured I could just do it from the airport.” Jay explained, and i nodded my head. That made sense. I hugged him, tears still running down my cheeks. Not full out sobbing, no, I was done with that for the moment. I was accepting what was going to be my life from now on. Thankfully, Jay and I were both pretty technologically advanced, we could totally handle Skype. And, if I was going to be travelling with Richie all over the world it would come in handy even more. And we both had blackberries, we could totally handle this.

I backed away slightly and smiled up at Jay. To say I would miss him was an understatement, but we were both strong people. “Well, dearie, you had better get going. Have a safe flight and message me when you land. Don’t forget to take Gravol or something, I know you don’t like to fly. I’ll miss you, and I love you!”

Jay nodded, said “I will, the Gravol is in my pocket. I’ll miss you too, and I love you. Have a good time, don’t work too hard, and listen to Richie. Don’t get into trouble. I’ll message you as soon as I’m able, and I want to hear about all the places you see! Skype date at least once a week?”

“Sounds good to me! Now, scoot!!” I knew if I didn’t let him go now, it would be even harder later. So we hugged again, Jay shook Richie’s hand, said “Take care of her, yeah?” and then he was gone. I backed up into Richie’s warmth, getting as much strength as I could from him. He put his arms around my waist and rocked me, gently, until I calmed down. There had been so many tears today. This entire ordeal had been full of tears. I knew there would be more tears later on, but for today, I was done.

“You ready to head out to Jersey, Hun?” Richie asked. I nodded, finally ready. I had said my goodbyes. I had everything done. Richie grabbed the card and the pictures off the table and guided me out to the truck. Once we were in and situated, he grabbed my hand and held it all the way to Jersey, a silent show of support and love. Once we got to his house, which, by the way, was freaking huge! We walked in and I noticed that it was all done in warm, taupe hues. “It’s beautiful!” I said. There wasn’t much else to say, it was amazing. Oak floors, high ceilings, gorgeous accessories. The furniture was comfortable looking, more for actual sitting than just looking pretty. I was impressed.

Richie smiled, grabbed my hand again, and pulled me towards the stairs. “Come on, lets go see your room.” As we reached the top of the stairs, there were a few doors on either side. The first two on each side were spare rooms, each with their own en suite. Then came the last two. My room was on the left, his was on the right.

As I walked into my room, I gasped. How had he known? The room was painted my favourite colors, red and green. The red was a perfect red, not orange, but more cranberry. There was a queen size sleigh bed on one wall, with an armoire on the opposite. A desk sat on the other wall and on the red wall sat a couple armchairs, perfect for curling up with a good book. There were two doors on the wall with the desk, one went into a large walk in closet, and the other into a bathroom. It was amazing. I turned around and hugged Richie, not really knowing what else to say. He laughed, hugged me back and said “You’re welcome.” As we were walking down to the kitchen, he explained that the house had a theatre, library, game room, formal dining room, eat in kitchen, and in the basement, a recording studio, pretty cool. As we reached the kitchen, I slowed to a stop. It was gorgeous! Red walls, antique white cupboards, and stainless steel appliances. What really finished it off was the granite countertops and oak floors. Richie grabbed a muffin from the basket on the island and handed it to me, before taking one for himself.

“So do you think your room’s going to be alright? I wasn’t sure what in it, so if there's anything that needs to be added just let me know so I can ask Maria to get it.” I must have had an inquisitive look on my face because Richie explained that Maria was his housekeeper, and she was responsible for my room.

“No, I don’t think there’s anything else I will need, she did a fantastic job. Thank her for me will you?”

“You can do it yourself, dear,” said a voice from the entryway. I jumped, and Richie laughed. “Hey Maria!” I turned around to see a small Latina woman walking towards me. She had greyish hair and a kind, smiling face. I liked her instantly. She had a gentle, mothering look about her. “Thank you so much for the room. It’s gorgeous!”

Maria smiled slightly and said “You must be Sydney. You are beautiful, just like your Daddy said.” I looked up at her from where I was sitting, not really knowing what to say. “Um. Thank you.” I said, lamely. She just smiled and nodded. “If you need anything, dear, just come and get me!”

“Thank you!” I called after her, as she was bustling around the kitchen.

_________________________________________________________

Life at Richie’s was totally different from anything I had ever experienced. When Mom and Dad were alive, I did a lot of my own stuff, laundry, tidying, dishes, etc. At Richie’s though, that’s what Maria did. I tried to do my own laundry, but she took it from me with a short “That’s what I’m here for.” I just sighed and nodded.

Richie seemed really concerned for how I was holding up. I was still having nightmares that left me breathless and shaking, and unable to go back to sleep, so I ended up heading over to Richie’s room and crawling in with him. It was just a phase, with all that had happened, it was normal. I googled it. Richie had really become my rock, my safe place. He just really seemed to get me, never putting me down or telling me I couldn’t do something, but always encouraging me and telling me how amazing I am. I was actually starting to believe it, and that scared me a little bit. When I start to believe something, it usually comes back and slaps me in the face.

I still hadn’t met Ava, Richie’s daughter. I had talked to her on the phone, she was a bit younger than me, and seemed excited that she finally had a “big sister.” I normally just smiled and went along with it, but I found it really hard to think about another sibling other than Ally. It was still to fresh. But Ava was young, so I went along with it.

A month had passed. A month since Mom, Dad and Ally died. A month since Richie came into my life. A month since I kissed my past life goodbye and had to go into a new one. And a new page was about to unfold. Today we were heading to Jon’s. Sure I had talked to him on the phone quite a bit, but I hadn’t actually met him yet. We were in Richie’s truck heading over. Richie kept asking me “Are you ready for this?” Honestly? I don’t know. I just kept repeating over and over in my head that I could do this.

We stopped at a corner store to get a drink, and as we were standing in line a guy came up behind me and said “Hey gorgeous, you got a number?” Richie stiffened and turned around, but I was faster. “Yeah, 911. You’re gonna need it if you don’t back off.” The guy’s jaw dropped and he turned around and walked away, muttering something about “Mouthy chicks”. I turned around to see Richie’s jaw had dropped too. “You know, if you keep standing there like that you’re going to catch flies.” I gently pushed his mouth up and giggled at his response. He had never seen the quick sarcastic, bitchy side of me, and honestly I never let it show very much. I was usually scared of people’s reactions, but when I let it loose…well, lets just say that was a small taste.

We paid for our drinks and walked back out to the truck, then started back on our trek to Jon’s. As we reached the iron gates, a large imposing mansion stood in front of us. I gulped quietly. We drove up the winding driveway and got out. Just as my door shut, Richie was at my side and we headed up to the door. As we reached the step, the door swung open.

Chapter 8

Richie looked confused so I motioned to his hand, he grinned, and said "I don't."

"Ouch, no faith at all, I'm hurt."

He chuckled, and then said "Enough of this, lets get going." I immediately sobered, sighed, and nodded. I didn't want to go. We headed up to the door and I sighed almost inaudibly.

"You can do it hun, and I'll be here with you every step of the way." I smiled a bit, it felt good to have someone to lean on again. It made me feel a little bit more comfortable. I grabbed his hand and slipped mine into it. He grinned down at me and asked, "ready?" I nodded, not trusting my voice. He smiled and whispered "Lets do this."

Jay was sitting at his kitchen table, hunched over something.

"Hey Jay!" I grinned as he jumped, looking sheepish. "Whatcha got there?"

He recovered from his shock and replied "Nothing for you!" Richie chuckled at this and I turned to give him a mock glare and said "Traitor."

He just grinned. Jay finished up what he was doing and sealed it in an envelope. I attempted to raise an eyebrow, but, it didn't quite work the way I wanted it to. Jay smiled, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. I never liked when that happened, bad things came after that. I asked the question that everyone was wondering, "When are you leaving, Jay?" I dreaded the answer.

"Tonight, at 5:00," all mischief was gone after he said that. I looked down at the watch Mom and Dad had given me for Christmas last year, and sighed. It was 3:00 now.

"You know I will try and visit when I can, right? And we can email all the time, and Skype. It's not forever, Syd." I nodded, but teared up anyway. I didn't think it would be this hard. I knew deep down that it wasn't forever, but it felt like a huge part of me was leaving. I gave him a watery smile, more to say that I was okay, but it didn't come out as planned. He sighed, and got up, turned on the stereo. Johnny Reid came crooning from out of the speakers, and the waterworks let loose. It was my favourite song, Dancing with My Baby.

"What? No Bon Jovi?" Richie inquired, grinning. Jay and I ignored him. Jay stood up, held out his hand, and asked if I wanted to dance. I nodded, still crying. He wrapped me in his arms and we swayed gently to the music. Dancing had been our thing for a while. Whenever I was upset or couldn't sleep, Jay and I would dance. Not crazy hip hop dancing, but just gathering strength from each other. Johnny Reid is a favourite of mine, his music had meaning. By the time the song was finished, I was full out sobbing. We just stood there rocking gently, until I calmed down.

"Don't you cry, don't you see? In my heart, I'll always be, Dancing with my baby."

I looked up at him with a small smile on my face. I knew what he was saying. I pulled away, and grabbed a tissue from the box on the counter. I was thinking about all the time we had spent together. Laughing, talking, sitting at the table playing cards to keep my mind off the nightmares, watching cartoons on Saturdays, him taking me shopping, holding me when I cried. When I fought with my parents which wasn't often, I went to him. Whenever they weren't there for me, he was. He made me cake for my birthday, even low-fat cake when I was trying to lose weight. I gigged out loud which made both men in the room look at me like I was crazy, and maybe I was. I go from laughing to crying to laughing again in record time.

"Remember when you make me that low-fat cake for my birthday? It was all burnt and horrible!" Richie snorted and Jay tried to look wounded.

"I spent all day slaving over a hot stove to make you that cake! No respect!" Jay exclaimed.

"It was obviously too hot" I retorted, grinning. He laughed, looking at Richie, and said "This is the thanks I get for being a nice guy!"

Richie grinned, and replied "Just no more respect out there, man!"

I looked at Richie with a twinkle in my eyes and lunged for him, giggling. I gave him a big hug, and whispered "Thank you" in his ear. Jay came around behind us, and hugged me from behind, and all of a sudden it was a Sydney Sandwich.

"Uh, guys. Got to breathe. Can't breathe." I gasped out.

"No you don't. It's all in your head" Richie replied. I giggled and they let me go, Jay looking at me with sad eyes. I walked over to him, the joy of the moment gone.

"I don't want you to go, Jay. I want you to come with us to Jersey," I said, grasping at straws.

"I know, Half Pint, but you know I can't. I need to go to California. It's my job. I don't get paid if I don't do it." I looked at Richie through my lashes and right then realized. This man will be there for me until the ends of the earth. He smiled at me, winked and walked over to make some tea. I came to find out that tea was something Richie turned to if someone was upset. It was calming in a way. As the water boiled, he reached up and grabbed the tea bags, giving Jay and I our moment. After the tea was made, he asked,

"Would you like a spot of tea?" In that horrible English Accent. I looked at Jay and winked and asked, "I don't know, Jay. Do you think we should? He may have done something to it.." Richie looked offended for about a half a second then burst in to singing "Suspicious Minds" by Elvis.

"We can't go on together, with suspicious minds." I laughed and said "Only you, Richie."

I walked over to where I was going to sit and Richie held out the chair for me. I looked up at him in shock and said "Did you just hold out the chair for me?"

He looked down at me in something I was going to say was amusement. "Uh, yeah. I did. Gentlemen do that every once in a while." I grinned up at him. "Smart ass"

I could hear Jay laughing in the background, already fixing his tea. I whirled around and asked "Jay? How come you've never pulled out my chair for me?" He grinned and replied, "Cause I'm not a gentleman!"

"You've got that right!" I teased.

"You know, Syd, ever since Richie came into the picture, you've relaxed quite a bit. I like this new Sydney!" I managed to look really offended and asked "And just what was I before?"

Jay was left stumbling over his words. "I...I-I didn't....mean....that I didn't like you before. I just meant that you have changed, you're more laid back, you laugh more than you have before." He said quickly. I inwardly smirked. "I should probably shut up now, shouldn't I?" he asked. I nodded my head, smirking. It wasn't often that I got Jay all riled up like that and when I did, look out. I took advantage. Richie sat back and watched the whole thing with a gentle smile on his face. He knew what I was doing and wasn't doing anything to help. Jay just shook his head and changed the subject.

"So Richie, you say the band is making a new record?" He held up his spoon like he was talking into a microphone, and asked "How do you feel this album is going to do?" All he while saying it in a cheesy reporter vice. Half Texas, half Jersey accent. I don't think he could make his mind.

Richie almost spit out his tea, but managed to hold it in, swallowed and roared with laughter. We all chatted for a bit then it was coming on to five o'clock.

Jay looked and me and handed me something in an envelope. I recognized it as the thing he was doing when Richie and I got there. With shaky hands I opened it to reveal a card. I looked at the front and smiled when I saw a picture of Jay and I from one of the photobooths at the mall. It was one of the better ones of the bunch. I opened the card and out fell the rest of the pictures fell out, some from the photobooth, some from his camera. All of him and I.

I started to cry when I read what was inside.

Dear Syd.
I know I'm going to be in California but that does not mean we will never see each other again. Never forget who you are or where you came from. Remember all the good times we had together when you get down. And remember, I'm only a phone call away.

Wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud up in the sky
Then it starts to rain, my defenses hit the ground
And they shatter all around, so open and exposed
I found strength in the struggle
Face to face with my trouble

When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken

Little girl don't be so blue
I know what you're going through
Don't let it beat you up
Hitting walls and getting scars
Only makes you who you are
Only makes you who you are
No matter how much your heart is aching
There is beauty in the breaking
Yeah

When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken

Better days are gonna find you once again
Every piece will find its place

When you're broken, when you're broken

When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken
Oh, when you're broken
When you're broken
When you're broken

I love you Syd, don't ever forget it. Never forget to call me anytime, day or night. I'm there for you, half pint!
Love you!
Jay
P.s. To the moon and back! xo

Chapter 7

We walked back into his office where Richie was sitting talking on his cell phone. I could tell by the way he was talking that it was Jon. I smiled and walked over. I whispered “Jon?” He nodded and my grin widened. He looked at me questionably. I grabbed the phone from him and put it to my ear. “Jon?” I asked. “Yeah,” Came the slightly confused sounding reply. “This is your new niece, Sydney. Now I realize that you have to talk to Richie about very important things, tea with the Queen and all that, but can't it wait until we get back to Jersey? Good Lord, we'll be there tonight.” I said, giggling. I had thrown him for a loop with the 'niece' thing but I figured since he and Richie were so close, he'd be my new uncle. If Richie trusted him then I trusted him. Muah! I explained this all to Jon and he laughed saying “Well then, I'll let you get back to my brother then. See you when you get here! This is Uncle Jon signing off. Keep the Faith!” I rolled my eyes and flipped the phone closed. I turned around to a shocked Mr Wilson and an amused Richie. “What?” I asked Richie. He just shook his head, chuckling. Mr Wilson replied, “What has happened to you? The last time I saw you, you wouldn't talk to any guy and now you're joking around with one? And Uncle Jon? I didn't think you had any relatives.” He looked genuinely confused. I grinned at his confusion. “Uncle Jon is Richie's self-proclaimed brother. I have spoke to him before, and Richie trusts him, so...” I shrugged my shoulders, “Also, Richie was here.” I looked up at him, grinned and walked over to where he was standing. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, looked down at me and whispered “Proud of you” in my ear. I nodded. We chatted with Mr Wilson for a while, and by that I mean Mr Wilson and I talked, Richie stood there and stared. Every now and then Mr Wilson would sat something and Richie would tense up. I'll have to ask him about that when we get to the truck. We said our goodbyes and I hugged Mr Wilson. He said something to Richie that made his eyes flash in anger, and I'll have to ask him about that too. Richie and I walked arm in arm down the hallway. I laughed at all the stares and whispers. I looked up at Richie and whispered “The rumour mill is starting. I can practically hear them already. He grinned and laughed quietly. “Are you saying that I look young?” he puffed up his chest comically. I said “Well, no, but-” I couldn't finish as we had been stopped. My arch-nemesis Sarah Baker stood in front of Richie and I. I backed into Richie slightly and he grabbed my waist to keep me from falling. She was standing there, hands on her hips, with a sickly sweet smile on her face. “Well, well, well.” She said, “Lookie here. Sydney's got a boyfriend. How'd you land a looker like him? Seeing as how you're an ugly duckling, why would he take a second look at you?” I stood there, head down, not saying anything. I got this every day. It wasn't anything new. Richie, however, didn't know this. He was bracing himself to fight back. He quite literally growled and said “How dare you insult my goddaughter like that”, putting a lot of emphasis on goddaughter. “Yes, she's my goddaughter, and I will not stand for you to be speaking to her like that. And by the way, she's twice the girl you'll ever dream of being. Come on Syd,” and with that he gently guided me down the hall. Once we had gotten to the truck, jumped in the passenger side, fastened my seatbelt, sank down in the seat and looked out my window. Richie grabbed my hand.

“How often does stuff like that happen?” He asked, genuinely concerned. I ducked my head and whispered “Everyday”. That's why I hated school. I was constantly getting mocked for my weight, looks, clothes, anything about me was used for mockery.

“This has been happening repeatedly? Why didn't you tell somebody? Why-”

“Richie!” I interrupted. “If I had told someone, it would have made it worse. It's no one's fault anyway, so no one else should have to worry about it.” I said, while looking out the window, avoiding Richie's eyes. What Sarah said was true. I was an ugly ducking. It wasn't anything new.

“Syd, look at me.” I turned my head so I was facing him, but not looking him in the eye. He tipped my chin up so I had no other choice but to look him in the eye.

“Sydney, you are beautiful. More beautiful than any other girl in the world. You have to believe that.” He looked so genuine that it brought tears to my eyes. The only other person who told me I was beautiful was my dad, and I didn't believe him. Somehow, though, Richie seemed to convince me. I looked down. Richie replied to this by saying “Have I ever lied to you?”. He hadn't, but I think he was just saying this to make me feel better. I shook my head and looked away. He sighed, grabbed my hand, started the truck, and pulled away. Something then popped in my mind.

“What did Mr Wilson ever do to you to make you get all defensive?” I asked. He glanced over at me and tightened his grip on my hand. “I didn't like the way he was looking at you. Very unprofessional. And he hugged you. I'm just being protective.” I almost laughed, as it was very similar to what Mr Wilson had said about Richie. I gave him the same lecture that I gave Mr Wilson. “I trust him, Richie. He has helped me immensely with stuff that has happened to me. He is one of the few men I trust. There's you, Jay, and him. What did he say at the end, that he whispered to you?” He tightened his grip on the steering wheel, straightened up in his seat. I could tell he was angry. His voice was barely a whisper when he answered, “ He said I didn't deserve you. That I would ruin the progress he had made with you. Said that I wouldn't be around enough to take care of you. He said that if I ever neglected you, he'd kill me.” I stared at him in shock. How dare Mr Wilson say that, imply that Richie would hurt me. I felt sad at his pained expression, so I squeezed his hand and whispered, “I'm sorry”. I felt ashamed that I had subjected Richie to that. He looked over at me sharply...oops. Had I said that out loud? “You had no idea. Stop beating yourself up over something you have no control over.” He all but growled. I'd never heard him talk like that, so...passionate and protective. After that we were quiet as we drove back to Jay's to say goodbye. He had been in the city these past few days and his was going to be the last time I'd see him. It broke my heart to think about it. It was going to be tough, very tough. It was saying goodbye to someone who had been there with me thought thick and thin. How am I going to stand it? Richie added a little but if pressure to my hand and I suddenly understood. Richie would be there. It was almost as if he could tell what I was feeling. Another thing I was sort of glad for. What if Richie had to leave? When then? Oh, God. Richie has to go on tour. What am I going to do then?

“You'll be coming with me.” Richie answered my unasked question. I looked at him with a 'how' expression on my face. “You'll be tutored or home schooled. We'll bring them with us. That way, you'll be with me and I'll be able to keep an eye on you. It's a win-win situation...And....” He added dramatically. “You won't have to muss me. You'll have me all to yourself.” He winked. I laughed and quickly replied, “Well when you put it that way, maybe I'll stay home.” He pretended to look wounded and put a hand over his heart. “Ouch, milady. That hurt. That cut deep.” I laughed and said, “Oh shut up, Kind prince”. “Kind prince?! Not Knight in shining armour?! What is this? All this disrespecting going on. Is that all I am to you? Again, Ouch. You hurt me so, young grasshopper.” He said in a horrible English accent. I laughed so hard I could barely breathe. I clutched my stomach and tears ran down my face. “Young grasshopper?” I gasped through my laughter. “Is that all I am to you?” I was hit by another attach of laughter and couldn't continue. Richie barked in laughter and just grinned. It felt good to laugh like this again I haven't had anything to laugh about lately. That's why I love Richie.

After the laughter had died down, Richie asked me, “Ready?” I looked at him and sighed. We were back at Jay's house. I wasn't ready for this. I looked at Richie with fearful eyes. “Richie, I don't think I'm ready for this. He's been in my life for as long as I can remember, I can't leave him. “ He nodded his head and whispered. “ I know, but I'm here to help you. You don't have to do this alone.” I looked at him and nodded. “ I know”. We got out of the truck and walked to up the front stairs. Richie was guiding me with his hand at my back. It was almost as if he expected me to escape. No faith! I giggled slightly and he looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “It's almost as if you have no faith in me.”

Chapter 6

At noon, Richie and I were at the cemetery. We walked arm in arm to the family plot. I stood at the headstone and looked down at my parents' final resting spot. Tears prickled my eyes, so I put my head down as tears ran down my face. I felt Richie put his arm around my waist and pulled me to his shoulder. I held onto him for a while and then a part of a conversation Richie and I had came back to me. “You can't dwell on the fact that they are gone. You will drive yourself crazy.” I straightened up, looked up at Richie and smiled. He smiled back. I backed out of his embrace and walked to the headstone. I plucked out the grass that was growing around it and ran my hand over the names on the headstone: John, Lee and Allison Shepard. I bowed my head and whispered “Goodbye, I love you all.” I stood up on shaky legs and walked back over to where Richie was standing. “Ready?” he asked. I nodded, not trusting my voice at the moment and arm in arm, Richie and I walked back to the truck. As we drove away, I watched in the mirror as I left my family for the last time. Richie leaned over and grabbed my hand and squeezed it in silent support. I squeezed back and looked over, smiling slightly. I knew he was there for me and I appreciated it.

When we arrived at the school, I dreaded going in. This was where I was tormented so much that I retreated behind a mile high wall. What would people say if I walked in with Richie? They wouldn't realize that he is my godfather...he looked young. Oh good Lord, the rumors that are going to fly! But wait! I won't be coming back. I walked into that school with my head held high with Richie walking in behind me with his arm around my shoulders, protecting me and supporting me silently. I was glad he was here. I could hear the whispers starting already and I faltered slightly. Richie looked down and said “You're doing great, Syd. Keep your chin up and don't let the get to you.” I nodded, looking up at him and smiling. I straightened my shoulders and we walked quickly to Mr Wilson's office. I knocked and waited for him to answer, which didn't take long. He looked shocked to see me there. “Sydney!” he exclaimed, reaching down and hugging me. I could feel Richie tense up beside me. Mr Wilson pulled us into his office and closed the door. “Mr Wilson, this is Richie Sambora, my Godfather. He's the one I will be staying with.” I said. He smiled at Richie and stuck his hand out for Richie to take. After a moments hesitation, Richie shook his hand. You could see the wariness in his eyes. I wondered why. “So nice to meet you. I hope you will take good care of Syd,” Mr Wilson said, smiling warmly at me. “She's one of my favourite students. I just love when she comes to my class.” He said, looking at me and winking. Richie stiffened and placed his arm around my waist. “Mr Wilson, Richie lives in New Jersey, so I will be moving there with him.” I said, looking up at Richie for confirmation. He nodded and grinned. “Oh. Well that's too bad. I was hoping that you would be able to still come here! I'm gonna miss you!” Richie looked at him through narrowed eyes. Why was Richie acting like this? I wondered, and why is he acting so protective? Mr Wilson and I chatted for a while, like old times. Richie constantly had his arm around my waist protectively. If Mr Wilson noticed anything weird about Richie, he didn't let on. When Richie and I said we had to go, Mr Wilson asked to speak to me privately. Richie looked down at me, eyes full of questions. I just nodded at him, looking in his eyes. I followed Mr Wilson out to the hallway.

“So how are you really, Syd?” he asked. I just looked at him and said “You already asked me that.” He looked at me shocked and said “Well, yeah, but did you answer truthfully?”

“Do you think I'd lie?” I asked, getting slightly angry. Who did he think he was?

“Well I didn't expect you to tell the truth with him there” He said, jerking his thumb toward Richie. I almost exploded.

“Do you think I would lie to you simply because Richie is there? No. I wouldn't. Because he is a good man and so are you for that matter. Why are you acting like this?” I asked, close to tears.

“I'm worried about you Syd.” He said, looking into my eyes, searching for any inkling that I was lying. I let him search, I had nothing to hide.

“I trust Richie.” I said in a dangerous voice. “And I trust you. Is there some problem that you two need to work out?” I asked glaring at him. When did I get so protective of Richie?

“I don't like him, Syd, He looks like a rocker.”

“He IS a rocker, Mr Wilson. He plays guitar in Bon Jovi.” Mr Wilson looked at me like I had grown a third head.

“You are willing to move to a new state with someone who plays in a rock band?” Mr Wilson asked, disbelieving.

“Yes I am.” I said simply. “I trust him. I don't care if you like him or not. My dad trusted him and thats good enough for me.” I continued. “I thought you were different than this, Mr Wilson. I really did. If I had known, I wouldn't have bothered to come here today.” He looked sad.

“I'm sorry, Syd. I'm just feeling protective. I mean, you've been through a lot in this past month. Moving up here, the accident. Moving up here is hard enough, but losing your family on top of that?” He shook his head. “I'm just worried about you, Syd.”

I looked at him shocked. “If you are worried about me, then trust Richie. He has been taking very good care of me. He's going through much the same as I am. Dad was like a brother to him, and he lost that. They had been through a lot of stuff together. I'm going with him, Mr Wilson, whether you like it or not. I just came to say goodbye. You were the only teacher here to understand me and help me. I don't want to leave on negative terms with you.” I said, looking him in the eye and bracing myself. He just nodded and pulled me into a hug. I wasn't a student anymore so it wasn't a big deal. We broke apart and he stuck his and out and said, “Friends?” I nodded “Friends”.

Chapter 5

 

“Hey!” Came the enthusiastic reply. “This must be Sydney” he said.

“Yeah” I replied, “That's me”

“How are you doing, Sydney?” He asked, and sounded genuinely concerned.

“I'm doing better,” I said, “Much better.” I added smiling at Richie.
“That's good to hear. So are you coming back to Jersey?” He asked. “Yeah, I think we're coming back.” I said, looking at Richie for confirmation. He nodded and whispered “Today”. I relayed that back to Jon and we chatted for a little while longer.

“I hope to meet you soon, Sydney, you sound like you'd be fun to hang around with!” Jon said, over the phone. “Yeah, you too” I said and I meant it. He sounded like a really nice guy, and if Richie trusted him then he must be okay. It seemed like I put a lot of faith into Richie. He had become the rock in my life, and in such a short amount of time. It never ceased to amaze me just how quickly. I just hoped I didn't regret it. I smiled sadly when I came to realize that he was the only one I had left. He must have caught my sad look in my eyes behind the smile because he came over and wrapped his arms around me.

“Shhh,” he said. “It'll get easier and when you want to meet Jon in person, I'll be there with you. He's a good guy, Syd, and he'd never intentionally hurt you. He is like me, extremely protective of those he loves. He's got my back and I've got his.” He explained as I shook with silent tears. “I don't know what I would do without you, Richie,” I managed to get out. He chuckled and said “You'd still be sitting in that living room staring off into space.” I smiled slightly and snuggled into his warm chest, enjoying the way I felt protected. I'd come to depend on it. “I miss Mom and Dad” I mumbled. “ I know,” Richie said, choking up a bit. “But it will get easier as time goes on. It will. I know. When I lost Mom and Dad-” he cut off at this. He couldn't go on. I didn't know he had lost his parents. I looked up at him in confusion. “Three years ago, my Mom died of heart failure. Dad died six months ago of lung cancer.” He seemed to straighten himself up. “What's happened has happened.” he said, looking grim. “You cannot dwell on the past, it's unhealthy. Everyday after Mom died, Dad died a little bit more. He missed her so much that he wouldn't be happy until he was laying next to her. Oh, sure, he acted happy, but the smile didn't meet his eyes. I miss them both terribly, but to see your father lose his happiness and faith when Mom died, well, that was just sad to see. He wasn't the same man he was when Mom was alive.” He said. I thought about what he had said, and realized that I had been selfishly been thinking that if I had at least one parent left it would be better, but after listening to Richie, I came to realize that it was a blessing in disguise. I saw that if one of my parents had died, the other would die too. Maybe not in life, but attitude on life. They wouldn't be the same Mom or Dad that I knew before. Maybe I wouldn't get along so well with them, something to think about I suppose.

“You have to think about the good times you had with your family. You can't dwell on the fact that they are gone. You will drive yourself crazy. Focus on your memories, and know that they would not want you to live your life in the past. You have to move on.” I nodded in understanding. They always said that.

“Richie,” I said, hesitating a moment. “Could you do me a favour and take me to the cemetery before we go to Jersey?” Richie looked down at me in surprise. “Are you sure, hon?” I looked in his eyes and nodded firmly. I straightened myself, wiped my cheeks, and eyes, then stepped back. I looked up into Richie's concerned eyes. “I want to do it before we go back. I need the closure. I need to get on with my life. If I don't do it now, I may never. Then we can go back to Jersey. But first can we go to my school? I want to say goodbye to Mr Wilson. He was my favourite teacher there, and he was the only one that understood me. I owe him the visit. I need to say goodbye. He was the one that told me about the accident, and he calmed me down. He's a good man, Richie, and one of the few that I trust. He knows about what happened to me a few years ago.” Richie's eyes flashed in...protectiveness? “He helped me understand that what happened to me was not my fault, that I had no control over it and he helped me get over it.” I said, smiling slightly. “Just like you are helping me right now. Thanks for that by the way.” I added.

“It's no problem, sweetie. I'm happy to do it. Don't forget you are helping me too. You've helped me heal more than if I was alone.

Chapter 4

“This Romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up
It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up
I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me
And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you – Always”

“Go to sleep, Syd” He whispered. “I'll be here when you wake up.” I nodded against his chest sleepily and then lost consciousness.

When I woke up, Richie, as promised, was still beside me. He was playing with my hair.
“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.” he grinned. I smiled up at him and nodded, stifling a yawn. He grinned and said “Ready for breakfast?” he laughed loudly when my stomach answered for me. Richie pulled me out of bed and drug me to the kitchen. I protested lightly because I was still tired, but I was super hungry. He surprisingly knew his way around Jay's kitchen pretty well. He made us pancakes, one of my favourite meals. I must have looked shocked that he knew this, but he just grinned and said “Your father”. I smiled and nodded. Dad had been bragging, it seemed like his favourite thing to talk about was Alli and I. I could feel my heart drop a little when I realized that he wouldn't be bragging about me anymore, and immediately after I felt guilty. Here Richie had gone to all this work and I was crying over spilled milk. I smiled my thanks as he brought over the pancakes and syrup. He, being a health nut, (I found that out last night too) added strawberry sauce (Which is strawberries boiled down with a bit of sugar). He grinned and proclaimed “I had to add something healthy!” I drank my orange juice he gave me and took a bite out of a pancake, jumped up and grabbed the peanut butter. I looked at Richie who was grinning at me.

“What?” I asked.

“Peanut butter? On pancakes?” He asked. I shrugged slightly and grinned.
“They're chocolate chip pancakes! Chocolate and peanut butter go together like Fred and Ginger and Lester and Earl! So there!” I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Whatever!” He laughed. I happily dug into my chocolate and peanut butter pancakes. I ended up eating around 6 or 7 pancakes. What? I was hungry! Richie, who finished after 2, watched me eat with an amused expression.

“Want any more?” he asked.

“No thanks,” I said, patting my stomach. “I'm watching my figure.” He laughed at that, then shooed me to the shower. Apparently he thought I needed one.

As I was in the shower, I reflected (yes, reflected) on what had happened over the course of a week. I had lost my family, but I had gained a new one. I miss Mom, Dad and Alli terribly. I cannot even find the words to express that enough, but with Richie being here, he made it just a bit easier. I liked him having him around, he makes me laugh when I feel like curling up in a corner and dying. He makes comforts me when I am sad, sings to me when I can't sleep. I owe him a lot, and in a small amount of time too. I feel like I can trust him and that is a big step for me- as I said before. It feels like I had known him all my life, when in reality it's only been a couple days. Maybe it was because he reminded me so much of Dad. I don't know what it is, but I like it.

After my shower, I ran to my room and got dressed and then walked out to the dreaded living room that I wouldn't see again. Richie was on the phone and I could only hear snippets of the conversation.

“Yeah, Jon, She's great. Funny, cute, kind of shy.....I think we're going to get along well. She's still pretty broken up about her parents but- well speak of the Devil.” He looked up at me and grinned.

“Yeah, she just walked in...Hold on, I'll ask her.” He looked at me and asked:

“Jon, the lead singer of the band wants to talk to you. If you want to, go for it. If not, that's okay too.” I thought about it and grinned. “Yeah, sure. I mean, what's the worst that could happen. Oh, wait. He could turn out to be like you!” I stuck my tongue out at him and laughed at his mock offended look. “Yeah, I went there!” I grinned. I was acting okay outside, but inside I was crumbling, and fast. This was another guy I didn't know. The only thing that was comforting was the fact that Richie was here with me. For some reason, I knew that if Richie didn't trust Jon, I wouldn't be talking to him. I took the the phone from him, shaking slightly.

“Hi” I said, quietly into the phone.

Chapter 3

 

At 8:20 the next morning, I woke up to Jay patting me on the arm. He was a nice guy. I had known him for years. He was taller than me with dark wavy hair and big blue eyes. He was like a big brother to me, but he was always moving around do it would be impossible to go live with him. He had helped me out a lot these past few days. He was the one I would actually have a conversation with. But now I was moving back to Jersey and this time he wasn't coming with me. He was headed to California. A nation away. What was I going to do?

“ Hey hon.” he said smiling. “How did you sleep last night?”

“Just about the same as any other night.” I had been having nightmares since the accident. “As least I stayed in my own bed last night.” I had acquired the habit of going to his room when I had these nightmares. Jay made me feel safe. And I was losing that today. I was moving tomorrow. Richie was taking me back to New Jersey. I was nervous. I didn't know Richie all that well. But Mom and Dad did so that must mean they trust him, right? I mean, why else would they make him my legal guardian?

We had breakfast and then went over to my house to pack my stuff. I had cried out all my tears, I thought. But as soon as Jay, Richie and I walked in, a new wave of tears came over me. The men flanked me, a hand on each shoulder, supporting me. I was thankful for their support. We walked in to the kitchen to pack up the dishes, then we moved to the rest of the house. All the time I had tears running down my face as I remembered my family; Mom making breakfast and calling up to Alli and I to get down there or we were going to be late. Dad coming home from work and eating dinner in his favorite chair. Alli and I laughing at the latest SNL skits. Never again. All I had were memories.

Richie and Jay were a huge help. They helped me with everything. Because we had just moved in, there wasn't much left to pack. We got it done in a day. When we were finished, we all sat down on the front steps. Richie had rented a U-HAUL van and it was packed and at the curb. I looked up at the house and whispered goodbye. I had been in huge denial about the accident and had been looking around corners, waiting for them to come home. But as I looked up at my now empty house, it all came crashing down. I fell to my knees sobbing. I felt someone lift me on to their lap and looked up to see sorrowful brown eyes looking back at me. Richie. I buried my face in his chest and sobbed my heart out. He wrapped his arms around me and just let me cry. He held me until I cried myself to sleep. I felt him pick me up and lay me down in the backseat of Jay's Chevy. I woke up a couple hours later in my own bed, screaming. Richie, who had been sitting asleep in the chair in the corner, jumped up and raced to my side. I felt strangely comforted by him. I mean, we hadn't really talked all that much. The only person I talked to was Jay, but Richie, he had this way about him. He could simply wrap his arms around you and all that was wrong was right again.

After I calmed down, I was too anxious to go back to sleep.

“Will you stay with me?” I asked him. He lay down next to me and whispered

“Always” I decided now was as good of time as ever to get to know him a bit.

“So, uh, Richie? What band do you play in?”

“Bon Jovi” he replied with a small grin. “Boy, were the guys ever surprised to hear I had a goddaughter! I can't wait for you to meet them. They'll love you! But we'll wait a bit for that , what do you say?” I nodded. Many people didn't know that I have trust issues with men. The men I do trust, Dad, Mr Wilson, and Jay, however, do know that I was raped a few years ago. Richie didn't. May have to tell him that. Come to think about it, he came to visit us around that time. Hmm. It's funny how you grow to trust someone so quick.

For hours we talked about utterly random stuff. I learned that his favorite color is orange, and he is an expert on the Beatles. He loves hats, has a daughter, and can play guitar. He learned that my favorite color is blue, I don't look good in hats, I like country music and I've always wanted to play guitar.

“Hey Richie? I have to talk to you about something. If I'm going to live with you, you should know this.” he looked at me seriously.

“Um, 3 years ago, while we were still in Jersey, I went to the mall with some friends. They all left before me and I was waiting outside for my mom, only I never made it. Some guy came up, grabbed me, taped my mouth and raped me in an alley.” I felt tears fall as I remembered the pain, humiliation and not generally knowing what was happening. “ Dad found the guy and lets just say he won't be doing that again.” All the while I was telling this I couldn't look Richie in the eye. The humiliation was starting to settle in again.

“Hey now” Richie said, pulling me in to his embrace. “I know what happened. Your father called me . Thats when I came to visit, remember? I couldn't stand to see you cowering like that. You wouldn't even let your father near you.” He tipped my chin up so I had to look him in the eyes. “That really hurt me, to see you like that. At one time your dad and I were like brothers, and as an 'uncle' I felt, like your father did, that I failed to protect you. I may not have known you at all but I did hear a lot about you, and that being said I felt bad for not knowing you. That's why I came to visit.” I looked up at him and all I could say was “Thank you”

“For what?” he asked

“Just being here. You remind me so much of Dad.” I noticed myself twisting their wedding rings around...it had become a habit. “How did you and Dad meet anyway?”

“We grew up together, next door neighbors. When I got with Bon Jovi, we toured 255 days a year. That didn't leave me with much time for anything. We grew apart. Later, once things had calmed down a bit, I found him. We talked at least twice a week, and it was always about about you and Alli. I got sent pictures and everything. It was like I was there with you. I also, once I got paid enough, set up a trust fund for both your college tuitions. Your parents worked hand to mouth, so to speak... It was the least I could do.”

“You did all that for someone you didn't even know?”

“I knew your father, and through him, I knew you.” he smiled. “You do realize that I don't care what has happened in the past? From what I see here, you're a pretty good girl who has her head on straight. You're pretty too,” I blushed at that “and I know your going through a rough patch” I looked away. “I hope that I can help get you through these rough times.” He tipped my chin up. “I want to help you, Sydney. I have a degree in psychology. Crazy, I know, but I do. But I'm here for you, not for that reason, but because I care. Your father was like my brother and I lost that” I could see his eyes fill with tears when he ducked his head. I felt that we both had wounds to heal. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck and laid my head on his chest. He buried his face in my hair. I could feel his body shaking as he cried. I could feel tears running down my face as well. I honestly don't know how long we stayed like that. We were sitting on my bed. As soon as we had cried out all our tears, we lay back on my bed. I lay my head on Richie's shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me. I cringed at the thought about me laying on his arm. I would crush him! I wasn't that heavy but I was heavy enough.

“Richie, I'll crush your arm” I said. He looked down at me through his lashes and said in a stern voice “Sydney! I don't ever want to hear you say that again. Your beautiful the way you are, and you won't crush my arm. If I ever hear you mention that again...” He left it at that. I looked up at him with a shocked expression. “I mean it, Sydney. You're perfect the way you are.” I felt the tears start up again. He pulled me to his chest and started to sing softly.

Chapter 2

I don't really remember much from the next few days. I was staying with a friend of the family, Jay, but it was made clear that it was only temporary. I made it though all the preparations, wakes and the funeral in a haze. Then the most dreaded day came. The lawyer reading Mom and Dad's Will. We had never discussed who Alli and I were to live with if anything happened. I'm only 15 so I can't live by myself! When I walked into the lawyer's office with Jay, I was tense. What was going to happen to me? The lawyer walked in and the session began.

“Ms Shepard, your parents left you a will and a guardian. Were you aware of this?”

“The will, yes, the guardian, no.” I answered quietly.

“Well, have you ever heard of a man called Richard Sambora?

“Yeah,” I said. “Mom and Dad spoke of him. I don't know him, but they did.

“Well, he has been named your legal guardian. Everything is being given to you that your parents owned to do with as you please.”

I sat there in a daze. The house and everything was mine. We had just moved here so everything was still pretty much packed and or in storage. The only things I really wanted were the things handed down for generations, and my parents' wedding rings.

“Sir, if you don't mind me asking, what happened to my parent's wedding rings? Were they ever found?” I asked, afraid of the answer.

“Well, you're in luck, dear. They were found in the wreckage. Here.” He handed me a small box. I looked inside and tears filled my eyes. There laying on a blue pillow were the rings. I always loved their rings. Mom's was a ring that had once been Dad's grandmothers. It was a white gold band with a solitaire diamond in the middle with blue sapphires surrounding it on either side. Dad's was a simple gold band. I held them in my hand and slipped them on my right hand. Dad's was a bit big but it was almost as if they were there with me. I felt comforted, for the first time in a few days.

Richie Sambora...I vaguely remembered him from my early teen years...Haven't seen him since then. He was pretty nice if I remember straight. If I only knew if I could live with him or not, or if my parents told him he had a goddaughter.

He knocked on the front door of Jay's house. I was pretty nervous about meeting him again. I mean, who wants a screwed up girl like me? I can barely speak 5 words to anyone! I looked up as Jay and Richie walked into the room. My jaw dropped. He had changed a little, but not much. He was about 5'11'' and was lean. He had brown eyes and longish brown hair. He wore jeans and a layered shirt. Looking at him brought on a new wave of tears. He reminded me so much of Dad. He wore a tentative smile to show that he was just about as nervous about this as I was. I noticed that his eyes were slightly red rimmed and puffy, as if he had been crying.

“Hi, Sydney” He said.

“Hey” I managed to get out. He walked over to sit beside me and looked as though he was going to hug me but decided against it.

“I heard about what happened.” He said. “I came as soon as I heard I was your godfather. Came from Europe as a matter of fact” he said smiling slightly. I must have looked confused as he added “The band and I are on tour promoting the new record” He said this with a hint of pride in his voice. He looked at me and said the thing I learned I hated most: “I'm sorry about your loss”. Did people not realize that my life is over? I have nothing now. My family is dead. Nothing left for me. Jay had been taking pretty good care of me, but he didn't have a stable job to provide, and I have no one else bit this Richie guy of whom I haven't seen in a few years.

“Um, I don't know if you know this or now, but as your legal guardian, you can come live with me. I'm not exactly next door, but New Jersey isn't that far from here. What do you say we get your stuff packed up and I'll have it shipped down there?” I nodded, not really having a choice in the matter. “If I could, I would move up here with you. But my recording studio and everything is down there and thats where the rest of the band is. Is that okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I mumbled. It wasn't as if I didn't know New Jersey. I had lived there before I moved to New York.

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Hi, my name is Syd Shepard, and my world just collapsed around me.

I was sitting in History class, debating with the teacher about the rights to cry (It's perfectly permissible, Syd). I disagreed. Crying to me showed weakness, vulnerability. And that got you hurt. People take advantage of that fact. Take it from me, I know from experience. So anyway, as we were arguing, the phone rang. Mr Wilson motioned for Andrew to answer it and then he went to see who was needed. As soon as he started listening his eyes hit mine. He got off the phone and asked me to come out to the hall with him. My heart dropped...I never got into trouble. As I followed him out, I could feel every eye in the room on me.

Once I was in the hallway, I stood against the wall and looked at Mr Wilson, who was avoiding my eyes. That was unusual for him..he was big on eye contact.

“Sydney” Uh-oh. He used my full name. This isn't going to be good. “I'm afraid I have some terrible news.” I looked at him, as he struggled to come up with the right words. “Sydney, that was the secretary in the office. She told me that the police just came. Sydney, your parents and sister were in a very serious car accident.” I zoned out at that point. Mom and Dad had to take my sister Alli to the University today for her to register. It was in Princeton, New Jersey. “Sydney! Did you hear me?” I was shaken from my thoughts as Mr Wilson touched my arm. I looked at him and asked “Just how serious was it?” I felt dread furl up in my stomach as he avoided looking at me. My heart dropped. He looked at me and said “They didn't make it.”

I collapsed into sobs that racked my body. My family, my rock, my shelter, were gone forever. Mr Wilson walked back into the room and came back out with some Kleenex's and a bottle of water. He sat down with me and just held me until my sobs subsided. He just rubbed my back and said soothing things in my ear. I looked up at him through watery eyes.

“Where am I going to go?” I had no other relatives and as far as I knew, I had no godparents. Mr Wilson just shrugged his shoulders softly and whispered, “I don't know, but why don't we get you down to the office?” With that he gently pulled me up and guided me down the hall.

I was devastated. The only people in my life that really cared for me were gone. My parents were fiercely protective of Alli and I. They were hard workers who worked for everything they owned. Alli was beautiful; everything I was not. Tall, skinny, popular. I, on the other hand, was 5'5”, not all that skinny and was more of a wallflower. For me it was hard to trust people. I'm an easy person to get along with once you get past the mile high wall I've built around myself. And now, the only people who were past that wall were gone forever. I was crushed. All I wanted to do was curl up in a corner and die. I had nobody. Where was I going to go?