Chapter 5

 

“Hey!” Came the enthusiastic reply. “This must be Sydney” he said.

“Yeah” I replied, “That's me”

“How are you doing, Sydney?” He asked, and sounded genuinely concerned.

“I'm doing better,” I said, “Much better.” I added smiling at Richie.
“That's good to hear. So are you coming back to Jersey?” He asked. “Yeah, I think we're coming back.” I said, looking at Richie for confirmation. He nodded and whispered “Today”. I relayed that back to Jon and we chatted for a little while longer.

“I hope to meet you soon, Sydney, you sound like you'd be fun to hang around with!” Jon said, over the phone. “Yeah, you too” I said and I meant it. He sounded like a really nice guy, and if Richie trusted him then he must be okay. It seemed like I put a lot of faith into Richie. He had become the rock in my life, and in such a short amount of time. It never ceased to amaze me just how quickly. I just hoped I didn't regret it. I smiled sadly when I came to realize that he was the only one I had left. He must have caught my sad look in my eyes behind the smile because he came over and wrapped his arms around me.

“Shhh,” he said. “It'll get easier and when you want to meet Jon in person, I'll be there with you. He's a good guy, Syd, and he'd never intentionally hurt you. He is like me, extremely protective of those he loves. He's got my back and I've got his.” He explained as I shook with silent tears. “I don't know what I would do without you, Richie,” I managed to get out. He chuckled and said “You'd still be sitting in that living room staring off into space.” I smiled slightly and snuggled into his warm chest, enjoying the way I felt protected. I'd come to depend on it. “I miss Mom and Dad” I mumbled. “ I know,” Richie said, choking up a bit. “But it will get easier as time goes on. It will. I know. When I lost Mom and Dad-” he cut off at this. He couldn't go on. I didn't know he had lost his parents. I looked up at him in confusion. “Three years ago, my Mom died of heart failure. Dad died six months ago of lung cancer.” He seemed to straighten himself up. “What's happened has happened.” he said, looking grim. “You cannot dwell on the past, it's unhealthy. Everyday after Mom died, Dad died a little bit more. He missed her so much that he wouldn't be happy until he was laying next to her. Oh, sure, he acted happy, but the smile didn't meet his eyes. I miss them both terribly, but to see your father lose his happiness and faith when Mom died, well, that was just sad to see. He wasn't the same man he was when Mom was alive.” He said. I thought about what he had said, and realized that I had been selfishly been thinking that if I had at least one parent left it would be better, but after listening to Richie, I came to realize that it was a blessing in disguise. I saw that if one of my parents had died, the other would die too. Maybe not in life, but attitude on life. They wouldn't be the same Mom or Dad that I knew before. Maybe I wouldn't get along so well with them, something to think about I suppose.

“You have to think about the good times you had with your family. You can't dwell on the fact that they are gone. You will drive yourself crazy. Focus on your memories, and know that they would not want you to live your life in the past. You have to move on.” I nodded in understanding. They always said that.

“Richie,” I said, hesitating a moment. “Could you do me a favour and take me to the cemetery before we go to Jersey?” Richie looked down at me in surprise. “Are you sure, hon?” I looked in his eyes and nodded firmly. I straightened myself, wiped my cheeks, and eyes, then stepped back. I looked up into Richie's concerned eyes. “I want to do it before we go back. I need the closure. I need to get on with my life. If I don't do it now, I may never. Then we can go back to Jersey. But first can we go to my school? I want to say goodbye to Mr Wilson. He was my favourite teacher there, and he was the only one that understood me. I owe him the visit. I need to say goodbye. He was the one that told me about the accident, and he calmed me down. He's a good man, Richie, and one of the few that I trust. He knows about what happened to me a few years ago.” Richie's eyes flashed in...protectiveness? “He helped me understand that what happened to me was not my fault, that I had no control over it and he helped me get over it.” I said, smiling slightly. “Just like you are helping me right now. Thanks for that by the way.” I added.

“It's no problem, sweetie. I'm happy to do it. Don't forget you are helping me too. You've helped me heal more than if I was alone.

Chapter 4

“This Romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up
It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up
I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me
And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you – Always”

“Go to sleep, Syd” He whispered. “I'll be here when you wake up.” I nodded against his chest sleepily and then lost consciousness.

When I woke up, Richie, as promised, was still beside me. He was playing with my hair.
“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.” he grinned. I smiled up at him and nodded, stifling a yawn. He grinned and said “Ready for breakfast?” he laughed loudly when my stomach answered for me. Richie pulled me out of bed and drug me to the kitchen. I protested lightly because I was still tired, but I was super hungry. He surprisingly knew his way around Jay's kitchen pretty well. He made us pancakes, one of my favourite meals. I must have looked shocked that he knew this, but he just grinned and said “Your father”. I smiled and nodded. Dad had been bragging, it seemed like his favourite thing to talk about was Alli and I. I could feel my heart drop a little when I realized that he wouldn't be bragging about me anymore, and immediately after I felt guilty. Here Richie had gone to all this work and I was crying over spilled milk. I smiled my thanks as he brought over the pancakes and syrup. He, being a health nut, (I found that out last night too) added strawberry sauce (Which is strawberries boiled down with a bit of sugar). He grinned and proclaimed “I had to add something healthy!” I drank my orange juice he gave me and took a bite out of a pancake, jumped up and grabbed the peanut butter. I looked at Richie who was grinning at me.

“What?” I asked.

“Peanut butter? On pancakes?” He asked. I shrugged slightly and grinned.
“They're chocolate chip pancakes! Chocolate and peanut butter go together like Fred and Ginger and Lester and Earl! So there!” I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Whatever!” He laughed. I happily dug into my chocolate and peanut butter pancakes. I ended up eating around 6 or 7 pancakes. What? I was hungry! Richie, who finished after 2, watched me eat with an amused expression.

“Want any more?” he asked.

“No thanks,” I said, patting my stomach. “I'm watching my figure.” He laughed at that, then shooed me to the shower. Apparently he thought I needed one.

As I was in the shower, I reflected (yes, reflected) on what had happened over the course of a week. I had lost my family, but I had gained a new one. I miss Mom, Dad and Alli terribly. I cannot even find the words to express that enough, but with Richie being here, he made it just a bit easier. I liked him having him around, he makes me laugh when I feel like curling up in a corner and dying. He makes comforts me when I am sad, sings to me when I can't sleep. I owe him a lot, and in a small amount of time too. I feel like I can trust him and that is a big step for me- as I said before. It feels like I had known him all my life, when in reality it's only been a couple days. Maybe it was because he reminded me so much of Dad. I don't know what it is, but I like it.

After my shower, I ran to my room and got dressed and then walked out to the dreaded living room that I wouldn't see again. Richie was on the phone and I could only hear snippets of the conversation.

“Yeah, Jon, She's great. Funny, cute, kind of shy.....I think we're going to get along well. She's still pretty broken up about her parents but- well speak of the Devil.” He looked up at me and grinned.

“Yeah, she just walked in...Hold on, I'll ask her.” He looked at me and asked:

“Jon, the lead singer of the band wants to talk to you. If you want to, go for it. If not, that's okay too.” I thought about it and grinned. “Yeah, sure. I mean, what's the worst that could happen. Oh, wait. He could turn out to be like you!” I stuck my tongue out at him and laughed at his mock offended look. “Yeah, I went there!” I grinned. I was acting okay outside, but inside I was crumbling, and fast. This was another guy I didn't know. The only thing that was comforting was the fact that Richie was here with me. For some reason, I knew that if Richie didn't trust Jon, I wouldn't be talking to him. I took the the phone from him, shaking slightly.

“Hi” I said, quietly into the phone.

Chapter 3

 

At 8:20 the next morning, I woke up to Jay patting me on the arm. He was a nice guy. I had known him for years. He was taller than me with dark wavy hair and big blue eyes. He was like a big brother to me, but he was always moving around do it would be impossible to go live with him. He had helped me out a lot these past few days. He was the one I would actually have a conversation with. But now I was moving back to Jersey and this time he wasn't coming with me. He was headed to California. A nation away. What was I going to do?

“ Hey hon.” he said smiling. “How did you sleep last night?”

“Just about the same as any other night.” I had been having nightmares since the accident. “As least I stayed in my own bed last night.” I had acquired the habit of going to his room when I had these nightmares. Jay made me feel safe. And I was losing that today. I was moving tomorrow. Richie was taking me back to New Jersey. I was nervous. I didn't know Richie all that well. But Mom and Dad did so that must mean they trust him, right? I mean, why else would they make him my legal guardian?

We had breakfast and then went over to my house to pack my stuff. I had cried out all my tears, I thought. But as soon as Jay, Richie and I walked in, a new wave of tears came over me. The men flanked me, a hand on each shoulder, supporting me. I was thankful for their support. We walked in to the kitchen to pack up the dishes, then we moved to the rest of the house. All the time I had tears running down my face as I remembered my family; Mom making breakfast and calling up to Alli and I to get down there or we were going to be late. Dad coming home from work and eating dinner in his favorite chair. Alli and I laughing at the latest SNL skits. Never again. All I had were memories.

Richie and Jay were a huge help. They helped me with everything. Because we had just moved in, there wasn't much left to pack. We got it done in a day. When we were finished, we all sat down on the front steps. Richie had rented a U-HAUL van and it was packed and at the curb. I looked up at the house and whispered goodbye. I had been in huge denial about the accident and had been looking around corners, waiting for them to come home. But as I looked up at my now empty house, it all came crashing down. I fell to my knees sobbing. I felt someone lift me on to their lap and looked up to see sorrowful brown eyes looking back at me. Richie. I buried my face in his chest and sobbed my heart out. He wrapped his arms around me and just let me cry. He held me until I cried myself to sleep. I felt him pick me up and lay me down in the backseat of Jay's Chevy. I woke up a couple hours later in my own bed, screaming. Richie, who had been sitting asleep in the chair in the corner, jumped up and raced to my side. I felt strangely comforted by him. I mean, we hadn't really talked all that much. The only person I talked to was Jay, but Richie, he had this way about him. He could simply wrap his arms around you and all that was wrong was right again.

After I calmed down, I was too anxious to go back to sleep.

“Will you stay with me?” I asked him. He lay down next to me and whispered

“Always” I decided now was as good of time as ever to get to know him a bit.

“So, uh, Richie? What band do you play in?”

“Bon Jovi” he replied with a small grin. “Boy, were the guys ever surprised to hear I had a goddaughter! I can't wait for you to meet them. They'll love you! But we'll wait a bit for that , what do you say?” I nodded. Many people didn't know that I have trust issues with men. The men I do trust, Dad, Mr Wilson, and Jay, however, do know that I was raped a few years ago. Richie didn't. May have to tell him that. Come to think about it, he came to visit us around that time. Hmm. It's funny how you grow to trust someone so quick.

For hours we talked about utterly random stuff. I learned that his favorite color is orange, and he is an expert on the Beatles. He loves hats, has a daughter, and can play guitar. He learned that my favorite color is blue, I don't look good in hats, I like country music and I've always wanted to play guitar.

“Hey Richie? I have to talk to you about something. If I'm going to live with you, you should know this.” he looked at me seriously.

“Um, 3 years ago, while we were still in Jersey, I went to the mall with some friends. They all left before me and I was waiting outside for my mom, only I never made it. Some guy came up, grabbed me, taped my mouth and raped me in an alley.” I felt tears fall as I remembered the pain, humiliation and not generally knowing what was happening. “ Dad found the guy and lets just say he won't be doing that again.” All the while I was telling this I couldn't look Richie in the eye. The humiliation was starting to settle in again.

“Hey now” Richie said, pulling me in to his embrace. “I know what happened. Your father called me . Thats when I came to visit, remember? I couldn't stand to see you cowering like that. You wouldn't even let your father near you.” He tipped my chin up so I had to look him in the eyes. “That really hurt me, to see you like that. At one time your dad and I were like brothers, and as an 'uncle' I felt, like your father did, that I failed to protect you. I may not have known you at all but I did hear a lot about you, and that being said I felt bad for not knowing you. That's why I came to visit.” I looked up at him and all I could say was “Thank you”

“For what?” he asked

“Just being here. You remind me so much of Dad.” I noticed myself twisting their wedding rings around...it had become a habit. “How did you and Dad meet anyway?”

“We grew up together, next door neighbors. When I got with Bon Jovi, we toured 255 days a year. That didn't leave me with much time for anything. We grew apart. Later, once things had calmed down a bit, I found him. We talked at least twice a week, and it was always about about you and Alli. I got sent pictures and everything. It was like I was there with you. I also, once I got paid enough, set up a trust fund for both your college tuitions. Your parents worked hand to mouth, so to speak... It was the least I could do.”

“You did all that for someone you didn't even know?”

“I knew your father, and through him, I knew you.” he smiled. “You do realize that I don't care what has happened in the past? From what I see here, you're a pretty good girl who has her head on straight. You're pretty too,” I blushed at that “and I know your going through a rough patch” I looked away. “I hope that I can help get you through these rough times.” He tipped my chin up. “I want to help you, Sydney. I have a degree in psychology. Crazy, I know, but I do. But I'm here for you, not for that reason, but because I care. Your father was like my brother and I lost that” I could see his eyes fill with tears when he ducked his head. I felt that we both had wounds to heal. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck and laid my head on his chest. He buried his face in my hair. I could feel his body shaking as he cried. I could feel tears running down my face as well. I honestly don't know how long we stayed like that. We were sitting on my bed. As soon as we had cried out all our tears, we lay back on my bed. I lay my head on Richie's shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me. I cringed at the thought about me laying on his arm. I would crush him! I wasn't that heavy but I was heavy enough.

“Richie, I'll crush your arm” I said. He looked down at me through his lashes and said in a stern voice “Sydney! I don't ever want to hear you say that again. Your beautiful the way you are, and you won't crush my arm. If I ever hear you mention that again...” He left it at that. I looked up at him with a shocked expression. “I mean it, Sydney. You're perfect the way you are.” I felt the tears start up again. He pulled me to his chest and started to sing softly.

Chapter 2

I don't really remember much from the next few days. I was staying with a friend of the family, Jay, but it was made clear that it was only temporary. I made it though all the preparations, wakes and the funeral in a haze. Then the most dreaded day came. The lawyer reading Mom and Dad's Will. We had never discussed who Alli and I were to live with if anything happened. I'm only 15 so I can't live by myself! When I walked into the lawyer's office with Jay, I was tense. What was going to happen to me? The lawyer walked in and the session began.

“Ms Shepard, your parents left you a will and a guardian. Were you aware of this?”

“The will, yes, the guardian, no.” I answered quietly.

“Well, have you ever heard of a man called Richard Sambora?

“Yeah,” I said. “Mom and Dad spoke of him. I don't know him, but they did.

“Well, he has been named your legal guardian. Everything is being given to you that your parents owned to do with as you please.”

I sat there in a daze. The house and everything was mine. We had just moved here so everything was still pretty much packed and or in storage. The only things I really wanted were the things handed down for generations, and my parents' wedding rings.

“Sir, if you don't mind me asking, what happened to my parent's wedding rings? Were they ever found?” I asked, afraid of the answer.

“Well, you're in luck, dear. They were found in the wreckage. Here.” He handed me a small box. I looked inside and tears filled my eyes. There laying on a blue pillow were the rings. I always loved their rings. Mom's was a ring that had once been Dad's grandmothers. It was a white gold band with a solitaire diamond in the middle with blue sapphires surrounding it on either side. Dad's was a simple gold band. I held them in my hand and slipped them on my right hand. Dad's was a bit big but it was almost as if they were there with me. I felt comforted, for the first time in a few days.

Richie Sambora...I vaguely remembered him from my early teen years...Haven't seen him since then. He was pretty nice if I remember straight. If I only knew if I could live with him or not, or if my parents told him he had a goddaughter.

He knocked on the front door of Jay's house. I was pretty nervous about meeting him again. I mean, who wants a screwed up girl like me? I can barely speak 5 words to anyone! I looked up as Jay and Richie walked into the room. My jaw dropped. He had changed a little, but not much. He was about 5'11'' and was lean. He had brown eyes and longish brown hair. He wore jeans and a layered shirt. Looking at him brought on a new wave of tears. He reminded me so much of Dad. He wore a tentative smile to show that he was just about as nervous about this as I was. I noticed that his eyes were slightly red rimmed and puffy, as if he had been crying.

“Hi, Sydney” He said.

“Hey” I managed to get out. He walked over to sit beside me and looked as though he was going to hug me but decided against it.

“I heard about what happened.” He said. “I came as soon as I heard I was your godfather. Came from Europe as a matter of fact” he said smiling slightly. I must have looked confused as he added “The band and I are on tour promoting the new record” He said this with a hint of pride in his voice. He looked at me and said the thing I learned I hated most: “I'm sorry about your loss”. Did people not realize that my life is over? I have nothing now. My family is dead. Nothing left for me. Jay had been taking pretty good care of me, but he didn't have a stable job to provide, and I have no one else bit this Richie guy of whom I haven't seen in a few years.

“Um, I don't know if you know this or now, but as your legal guardian, you can come live with me. I'm not exactly next door, but New Jersey isn't that far from here. What do you say we get your stuff packed up and I'll have it shipped down there?” I nodded, not really having a choice in the matter. “If I could, I would move up here with you. But my recording studio and everything is down there and thats where the rest of the band is. Is that okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I mumbled. It wasn't as if I didn't know New Jersey. I had lived there before I moved to New York.

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Hi, my name is Syd Shepard, and my world just collapsed around me.

I was sitting in History class, debating with the teacher about the rights to cry (It's perfectly permissible, Syd). I disagreed. Crying to me showed weakness, vulnerability. And that got you hurt. People take advantage of that fact. Take it from me, I know from experience. So anyway, as we were arguing, the phone rang. Mr Wilson motioned for Andrew to answer it and then he went to see who was needed. As soon as he started listening his eyes hit mine. He got off the phone and asked me to come out to the hall with him. My heart dropped...I never got into trouble. As I followed him out, I could feel every eye in the room on me.

Once I was in the hallway, I stood against the wall and looked at Mr Wilson, who was avoiding my eyes. That was unusual for him..he was big on eye contact.

“Sydney” Uh-oh. He used my full name. This isn't going to be good. “I'm afraid I have some terrible news.” I looked at him, as he struggled to come up with the right words. “Sydney, that was the secretary in the office. She told me that the police just came. Sydney, your parents and sister were in a very serious car accident.” I zoned out at that point. Mom and Dad had to take my sister Alli to the University today for her to register. It was in Princeton, New Jersey. “Sydney! Did you hear me?” I was shaken from my thoughts as Mr Wilson touched my arm. I looked at him and asked “Just how serious was it?” I felt dread furl up in my stomach as he avoided looking at me. My heart dropped. He looked at me and said “They didn't make it.”

I collapsed into sobs that racked my body. My family, my rock, my shelter, were gone forever. Mr Wilson walked back into the room and came back out with some Kleenex's and a bottle of water. He sat down with me and just held me until my sobs subsided. He just rubbed my back and said soothing things in my ear. I looked up at him through watery eyes.

“Where am I going to go?” I had no other relatives and as far as I knew, I had no godparents. Mr Wilson just shrugged his shoulders softly and whispered, “I don't know, but why don't we get you down to the office?” With that he gently pulled me up and guided me down the hall.

I was devastated. The only people in my life that really cared for me were gone. My parents were fiercely protective of Alli and I. They were hard workers who worked for everything they owned. Alli was beautiful; everything I was not. Tall, skinny, popular. I, on the other hand, was 5'5”, not all that skinny and was more of a wallflower. For me it was hard to trust people. I'm an easy person to get along with once you get past the mile high wall I've built around myself. And now, the only people who were past that wall were gone forever. I was crushed. All I wanted to do was curl up in a corner and die. I had nobody. Where was I going to go?